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eighteen. hopeless romantic. college. loves pink. sleep deprived. 

Friday, October 13, 2017

you read that right. I'm not kidding.

yup this will be an interesting post. please grab popcorn.

it all began when my friends Emily and Nita kept discussing about a part time job that they acquired somewhere. I was pretty surprised because all the jobs postings that I've seen around needed my CV. Online application requires my UK insurance number as well. Which I have to contact the department to ask for my insurance number and I've called up for a few times in different days and still couldn't contact to the department.

Thus out of curiosity, I asked them where are they working. They were kind enough to tell me they're working in Ichi Noodles. I further asked them is the vacancy still open. They said they're not sure. So one day after class, I told them I needed to go town to pick up something but really the first thing I went was Ichi Noodles to ask for the job. They asked me to leave down my contact details and the manager will contact me by that night itself. After dropping my details, I went on further to look for vacancies everywhere. As usuals, I jot down their contact details so that I could email them my CV.

That night itself, I did not receive the call from the manager. I thought they wouldn't want to hire any more part timers. So bad luck to me I guess. But I could email my CV to other postings.

On a Tuesday night. I went out together with Emily and a new friend Celine to attend dance society welcome talk. It is 20mins walk away from where we stay. After the welcome talk, we were hanging out at chatime before movie starts at 8. To my realisation Celine has been working quite a while in Ichi Noodles. I did not ask her further about her work because I did not get the job anyway. Who knows, when I was at chatime. I received a text msg from Ichi Noodles manager asking me if I could come for work on Thursday. Ofc I'd be glad to! He further asked me when on the week I'm available for shifts and he arranged a schedule for me. After the movie has ended, I told Emily and Celine that I got msg from the manager saying I could go for work on Thursday. I was actually quite happy that I got the job; and I'm working with my friends. However, their faces didn't look quite happy for me.

That day, was the whole boycott started. Nita, known for being the nicest girl on earth. She greets me every morning. Ask me to be careful when I walk alone etc. She's definitely the most decent girl you can find. She ignored me. She even pretended that she didn't hear me. I was thinking what had happened that she just turned 180 degree on me.

On Thursday when I started my shift, the manager guided me and stuffs. (The whole working experience I'll post it next time). It was definitely a really tough job at first. After peak lunch hours, the manager, his name is Sean, told me that actually my friends Emily and Nita were supposed to be on the shift. There were a lot of questions running in my head. Because first of all, I never mention to him that I'm friends of Emily and Nita. And I barely know Celine on Tuesday, so it was impossible for Sean to know that I'm friends with either of them. He told me that because 3 of us share the same free shifts. So there's no point for him to hire another 2 of my friends. My face was neutral but you guys didn't know how much my heart sank when I heard that.

It basically means that, I took over their jobs. They were kind enough to tell me where were they working. I applied it last and Sean decided to take me in instead. It is all so clear now why they all start to hate me.

But there were still questions running in my head. Because before Emily and Nita started working, they were confirmed employees. so why in the end, I was hired instead? The next day on my shift, I saw the duty rooster written by Sean. Emily and Nita were scheduled to work on shifts on the days that we have classes as well as on days we do not have classes. Why would they tell Sean that they can work on days that we've classes when we clearly couldn't make it? And obviously they did not show up for the shifts.

After few days of investigating. Emily and Nita have been asking to cancel the shifts last minute to attend fresher meetings when the duty rooster has been planned a week before. Sean felt that they're not serious into such obligation thus only texted me on Tuesday night if I could work on Thursday.

And also a week of god knows how much tears I cried when my friends start to distant me, I just realised it's because of this part time job. A part of me feels very bad that I should've told them I applied the job as well. A part of me feels that they should have treasured the opportunity given to them but they didn't.

Because of this, they've always been going out without me with the new friends they met. Tho I'm quite occupied with frisbee trainings and work, they do not personally invite me out anymore (out of courtesy or anything) because Nita wouldn't want me to be there anyway. I was quite down for it but on the hand, I do not have so much to keep going out anyway.

Im still cool with other people besides Nita. She does not want to talk to me at all despite living together. After a week of depression, I've decided to move on. I sent her an apology text and also told her that I'd resign if she wants her shift back but she decided to leave me on blue ticks. I'm exhausted of being depress about this. I went on living my own life alone, attend trainings, go for socials etc.

I'm indeed upset that because of the work, Ive been missing out a lot of outings with them. My relationship with them are now very distant. I felt very very bad at first but now I just can't feel anything anymore.

Friends come and go. I can't force you to still be friend with me if you don't like me at all. I'm really tired of entertaining everyone.

Nevertheless, I'm always grateful that I was given all the opportunities to be here. I also want to thank my friends who have been coping with this depression these 2 weeks. Guess it's time to look for new friends around.

I guess that's it. They're now out without me as usual. So I'm just gonna head to bed because I've a shift tmrw. hope to post soon. x

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Sorry for the promised layout change I'll do it asap. meanwhile, here's me blogging in Liverpool. 

it's almost 2nd week here now. & I'm loving here (:

what you need to know so far about me is:

I broke up with Fred. it was a very sad decision but then I just don't find us compatible in any ways. furthermore this time difference sucks. it was very hard for us to make it up to each other when I start to lose all the feelings to keep up. I do miss us every single time. but at the same time, I enjoy being alone more at this moment.

next, classes are pretty boring and I'm already piled up with dissertation, assignments & obligations.


.St George's Hall


Outside of Lime Street Station


Right outside of Debenhams 

Liverpool One.


my school's Starbucks
my class

you've to tap your ID for attendance
went for ghetto golf during induction week organised by the faculty


got bunch of free tickets
so far I've got vodka shots, mixer, cups, bottle, condoms, vouchers, pizza, coke, tee shirts, men's brief for free.

just selfie

been spending a bit way too much for 2 weeks of food, clothing and other unnecessary stuffs. am looking up for some part time jobs anyway. hopefully I'll be able to get it. because in this coming few days I really need to buckle up to finish up the tasks given, write my cv, hopefully everything sails a bit more smoothly than initially planned.

of course there's more to blog but I'm just pretty lazy atm haha. pretty much I'm just walking out everyday just so that I won't be stuck in dorm binge watching dramas.

really loving it here. just don't want it to be a huge burden for mum when she does everything to provide such opportunity for me.

will try to blog a bit more bout all the details. just need to move on from all the feelings and all the shitty stuffs I need to do.

peace out loves.



Monday, September 11, 2017

it's a sin. I'm guilty. but I'm yet to realise how fragile my promises are. how much karma I'm getting for being like this. 

will I be regretting my decision? I guess that's what I get for behaving this way.

but then there will be a new journey began this Saturday. hopefully. everything sails smoothly. 

Friday, August 25, 2017

I'm thinking too much? 

I'm always doing too much. I may look like I've a lot of friends. in the end I'm always the one that's left out. 

I guess I need to get used to being like this anyway. 

I always have to schedule my time to fit everyone but no one will every do this to me. 

oh well. time for real isolation soon. I'm so done of being like this. no one will ever stand on my perspective and think like me. 

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

MY FWENS <3 p="">
I woke up with period coming to visit me. so I'm not in a really good mood. either way I so happen to be reading my friend's blog and realised I haven't been blogging for a while.

yesterday I just went through visa application and bumped into Hazeeq and his gf what a coincidence! and he is so round now he's not the Jedi I know anymore haha. I kind of regretted not paying for the express application so now I gotta pray everything goes very very smoothly.

I viewed melissa's snapchat story today and saw the girl. well I guess Melissa doesn't know bout it and after all it isn't something very nice to know. those pieces of bad memories came back. I'm not crying anymore. but I can't seem to forgive everything that I / he had done. I feel this mistake should never be forgiven because not everything in life are to be forgiven. it'll be forgotten somehow later in life but it'll still be coming back. forgiven or not, it's not something I'd be gladly saying he's out of my mind. because I can't seem to erase those memories that linger around me sometimes.



and really great time with love.

fred is someone who doesn't know how to present his communication well. he hurts me without knowing sometimes. he's not romantic either. but it feels very comfortable being together. I gotta be very honest that I'm a very clingy person. I'll feel sad when I don't get texts back even though I know my partner is busy or something. because I feel that he should keep me updated or some sort. and Fred is an engineering student and e sport committee. he hardly has time to even text me. and I wasn't even worry about any single thing. most of the days we don't even talk but I wouldn't feel sad because I feel that long distance could work again.

but on the other hand, I was thinking, am I trusting him too much? comparing my old self and myself right now. this has to be the most significant change ever. sometimes I wonder is it because I'm not too sure of us and thus I'm not holding on too tight to let us find ourselves better.

so much has changed since the beginning of this year. I really want a change of myself when I'm over to Liverpool. every year, my blog will be cleared up to start brand new because I want a fresh start of myself. this year I gotta move it in advance where my blog posts will be cleared up starting next month and a change of themes and stuffs. I feel my url is too childish cos I made it when I was 13 but then I'm the person that always can't let go of the past so ill just let the url stays this way.

as for all the travelling posts I promised, I'll make it into albums of some of my favourite photos. I'll see what I can do since I'm not good with html lulz.

3 months of break doesn't seem very dull. despite not fulfilling the bucket list at least I feel those were fruitful months for me. went to 2 trips, spent really good time with my cousins, friends, family, a lot have been going on and I'm really grateful for everything.

congrats to Jie lun for winning bronze medal with his team in the sea games woohoo!

there's nothing I really really wanna do now. maybe hiking? like a small mountain or something. and meet up with friends. eat all the food. and most importantly, I'm praying for everything to go very smoothly so that I'll be able to fly off in 3 weeks time.

my blog will be undergoing changes. so don't worry about it. I guess I'll see you guys soon. xx


Monday, August 7, 2017

beginning of august. I hope everything gets better. I'll be back to post more. just a lot to be done before leaving.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

IT IS JUNE ALREADY? OH GOSH.


hi guys. I'll be more delighted to blog because I'll be having 3 months break soon after finals ending next Tuesday! :D

I'm just really excited right now though I just had a crappy paper this afternoon but it means 3 down and 2 more to go! (and one more assignment ._.)

anyway, I'll promise to post about my Spain and Hong Kong trip and maybe blogging about my expectations and everything.

im not gonna waste my 3 months break of course. thats why I'll be making full use of my holidays before leaving.

I've got so much to say! May has been good to me so far! just today on first of June, I had the worst paper of my life ...

stay tune guysssss :3
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