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eighteen. hopeless romantic. college. loves pink. sleep deprived. 

Saturday, February 17, 2018

hi guys. I'm finally back?

actually I still can't update much as well because FM deadline is in 2 weeks and I'll have 3 interviews next week for my dissertation. I'm just here procrastinating. at the same time I'm also anxiously waiting for Josiah to text back.

anyway I went to work as a student helper in uni applicant day. 30 quid richer with free food. tried on VR and drone simulator. it was amazing.

it was Danning's birthday and everyone was very happy.

there's actually a lot happened in a month but I don't exactly have the time to type to you all. I don't even update my Instagram blog anymore which I feel very bad about it. furthermore I started writing diary as well so I guess I kinda forgot my blog's existence for a a while haha. but it was more like a planner but I wrote it as a diary and it limits to one page so I'll just blabber whatever happened on the day to the paper.

I hope everyone has a great Chinese new year ! I'll update as detail as possible. perhaps after my dissertation submission haha. love y'all. xx

Saturday, January 6, 2018

a lot of unexpected things happened. good ones bad ones. doesnt really matter. in fact i just want this year to be a good one.

guess ive just used a lot of money recently that i really need to cut down since im unemployed atm. furthermore i really dont wanna upset my mum for spending a fortunre just to send me over to the uk.

will try my very best to work on my assignments as soon as i go back. workload has been piling and im a bit freaked out. i just hope shane will bear with me for a while for this. at the same time i wish things will go smoothly according to plan. especially applying jobs in the uk.

leaving carol's house tmrw and back to liverpool is where i realise the reality is hitting my right in front of my face like BAM. but what can i do besides facing it bravely.

loving the people who have been supporting me entirely throughout my journey here. in hope that good karma come around for those who have truly helped the people around no matter little or massive deed.

just want to avoid some problems for a little while. and in hope i'll be brave enough to face them.

let's hope my goals will be achieved. and hope yall have a great new year (: xx


Wednesday, January 3, 2018

cliche, but it's near year new me time.



heres the video angelynn made for our trip these 2 weeks. check it out! (finally need no any travel posts)

so ive reverted those old blog posts as usual. still yet to change a new theme. will try to do it when im free. at the moment, im just in the middle of trying to finish 1 out of 4 literature reviews.

since im pretty stuck with my work, im just here to blog about what are the goals and shit this year to motivate me.

as usual, the goal is to get a graduate job or maybe pursue a master degree. these are my current main goals.

throughout the year, im hoping i get funded for volunteering program, if not i'll try to work something out for the summer. get better at frisbee if possible. ace my papers and maintain my first class spot.

my entire january will be packed with assignments. first 2 weeks will be the joint project which ive no idea how will it look like. next i'll try my best to finish my literature review by this month so that i can start my interviews and analyse of work for my april submission.

when uni started, 9 months feel so long to complete the dissertation. when the due date comes closer, i realised i only have 3 months left to finish 90% of my work. which is pretty darn crazy.

also, since ive been using up a lot of money recently haha. and since i wont be able to spend money on january due to these workload. but also my work is not requiring that many part timers at the moment due to quiet season so i'll not be able to get extra money for anything. hence my goal this month is try not to withdraw any money until i really needed them.

i simply wish im better at writing up my dissertation so that i can finish up my work easily. maybe because im not using my own laptop and leaving my notebook at home which pretty slows down my progress a lot in writing. and also im currently staying at my friend's place till friday which pretty much just slow down a lot of things since we've plans. even if we dont, i just feel uncomfortable not being at my spot to do my work.

but overall, i generally feel that researching is not my thing. im just hoping i'll be able to finish up something so that everything falls in plan.

will try to blog more. meanwhile im trying my best to do some work. hope yall have a really good new year x



Sunday, December 17, 2017

well I just finished the movie. so I thought I'd tell a similar story bout it.

idk if I've mentioned this earlier in my blog, that Shane and I are in a rather complicated relationship.

if you've watched dear John before, we're kinda in a similar situation. just we aren't together. even though we act like one. that's why it makes the relationship complicated.

I nvr meant to have us being stuck in such situation. I've always wanted him to be my closest friend but we just somehow got attached to each other and eventually to texting each other more often and calling each other almost everyday.

I've always reckoned Savanah is a bitch in the film. but Sav just did what she was supposed to do. it is not easy for Sav to go through this alone without John. Sav nvr meant to cheat. it came by just like that.

and it hits me so hard that I always get moody whenever I deeply think about my relationship with Shane. despite we both agreed we wouldn't mind if we happen to see somebody else, but I know he's loyally waiting for me to say yes. I feel very guilty because I've been out seeing other people without telling him. (I'm not properly seeing somebody else for potential relationship). we also agreed not to tell each other if we've did all the dirty deeds behind each other. thats where I always feel uncomfortable with our relationship.

you must be asking why am I so selfish to ruin a great guy's future. but l couldn't say yes to us because we are not sure about our future. he is planning to come over to uk to further his master next year and my initial plan is to go back to Malaysia after graduating. I've just recently to plan to get a job here in the uk not because of our relationship, it's just because I like it here and wanna try my luck to get to experience even though the chances are slime.

I don't want us to be stuck in ldr right now and also the year after when we both have not been spending enough time physically together. furthermore, he could go after so many other girls that deserve all his love.

and also I've had enough bullshit after falling in and out of love with all my exes. I don't trust love as much as I used to do. tho I still get attached easily but to commit in a relationship, I'm not sure I can do it.

I never rush things. I like the pace. but the guilt never leave me. because it shouldn't have existed. our relationship shouldn't have established this way.

most of the nights I miss him. I'm so dependent on him I feel so guilty. he would give me all his time just to accompany me. but most of the time, I don't do it on return. Im trying to slow things down and I guess it is going pretty well.

but most importantly I guess, I just need to settle my feelings. I need to be less dependent. I shouldn't get attached that easily anymore.

it's almost 2 here right now. I guess I really need to sleep. nights loves. x

Friday, December 15, 2017

I've just submitted my draft that worth 10% last night so FREEDOM IS HERE.

not entirely. cos I've work at 4pm later till 9. and I gotta come back get ample rest because I've rehearsal at 9:30 tomorrow and show time is at 3pm. when show ends, I'm supposed to meet up with my friend where he has been so busy that he couldn't reply my texts for days *rolls eyes*

anyway, I met up with Keith yesterday for a brief while. everything is clear now (: happy the way we are right now despite not daring to ask the questions that have been lingering in my mind. well, have fun in Thailand, and see you next year hopefully?

after everything on the weekend, I'll be getting ready to pack to go Munich to meet carol and his sister! celebrating Christmas together! it's gonna be the longest holiday I'll be having. not that I really need this break but I want to explore the places that I've been dying to visit. despite budget constrains but not regretting to waste a tons lots on the trip.

also planning to actually finish up some reading or work when I'm over at carol's because I'm supposed to finish up like 8000 words for dissertation during my break so that I'll have more time to finish the interview. and also when I come back I'll have 2 weeks straight of joint project so I'll not have enough time to finish up everything.

besides packing, I'll try to search up for placement and send my cv even though they're looking like shit. my career team hasn't responded since. so idk what to do with my cv atm. but no harm giving a try.

so if you ask me how am I doing here, I'll say I'm doing fine. still struggling to actually calm my emotions when I always get attached so easily.

guess that's it for now. hope to be able to blog bout my trip next. see y'all. x


Thursday, December 14, 2017

well heyyyyyy

I've been living rather well I would say. my days were amazing when I get to play ultimate with my teammmmm. despite hating to run but frisbee just made everything better.

I was rushing for my valuation proposal that i missed trainings and staying up late for entire week just to finishing it up. to be honest, I've nvr stayed up late for any assignments before nor any exams. I guess I just wanted to achieve a really good grades and I keep aiming myself on the first class honours and thats why I'm stressing myself out.

and I got back my business research paper score which turned out to be only 61/100. I was so embarrassed to tell my friends about my score cos they probably did so much better than me. ended up Eric actually scored 60 and the class average was just 59. I was relieved for a moment but 61 wasn't something I was expecting. I guess I'll really need to score well in the finals.

after submission and receiving the bad result, it was Beatle juice weekend! which is a fun tourney held by uni of Liverpool and it was so much fun! seeded at 6 but I was really happy with the moment spent especially when my team said my score was the highlight of the weekend (':

team LJMU
on Saturday night, we had dinner with the team at Almost Famous. finally some quality time spent together.




almost me drunk at 2:30am after party





can't wait to come back to train more and en route to Glasgow to support the men nationals! (also can't wait for our kit to come so we can wear them to compete)

and also my dance society is holding a Christmas dance show this Saturday afternoon (our routines have nothing to do with xmas) but well, yeah I'm gonna dance on stage lmao. the thought of it is mental. will try to post pictures if they ever take pictures.

volunteering tomorrow as well. this week is so productive and I'm so happy (:


see y'all! x





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