living in this "new normal"

to be honest, i do feel like im slowly loving the way of being unproductive at home. but as the cushion on my couch has not been out of shape so it kinda hurt my back no matter how i sit.

yes. i dont sleep in my room. it's merely a place for me to have meetings, play the piano & change lulz. yeah i have nvr used the desk since the last i studied physics there like what 7 years ago? it feels little strange yet good feeling to use the desk again some time. i just love my living room. gotta find a way to sit so that i dont hurt my back again.

anyway. im here writing because i just read a friend's blog. in this new normal, i've a friend who just lost her job out of the blue as the company ceased operation all of the sudden. another friend's company has also came out a retrenchment list and pending to run it over when MCO lifted. another best friend had just had his pay cut by 25% until further notice. another friend who has always had his pay delayed sine december, also has his pay cut by an unknown percentage and unknown timeline. and my bf has graduated at the worst timing yet that's why he couldnt get a job since . sincerely hope that everyone is coping it well. and for me, im all ready for the pay cut letter; if worst - retrenchment.

not sure if i mentioned that i would love to have a career switch to find out what i enjoy most. and also to possibly get a better pay or career advancement as i am very very insecure of the future. but seeing how some companies viewed my CV for 8 times but not even giving me the chance for that job interview just makes me feel that i am not enough for anything else. however looking at these times, doubt i'll be getting any new job interview soon. that's why im very fortunate that im still able to hold on to this job although i keep having a feeling that i'm in that retrenchment list.

if i ever get retrenched, im not like pissed over the fact that the management has to come up with this solution. my hardwork has not been acknowledged anyway. that's the main reason i wanna leave so badly just to try out something new and most importantly to find somebody who will value my effort.

thank lord that my mum still lives healthily, has a job to live by. but the thought of me still having to live off from my mum feels bad. especially she is coming up with the renovation cost for our new condo.

so in this new normal. everyone's lives have changed for the better good of the nation. just like how >98% of the people should be vaccinated to protect the leftover 2% of the ppl who may not be able to get the vaccines due to allergies or young age. but in this pandemic, we sacrificed our future, financial stability so that everyone can stay healthy.but the consequence of these sacrifices, after everyone is healthy, we cant live normal again. we dont have our jobs. living off with the remaining savings. getting more insecure with the future. and i am already having sleepless nights thinking about all these.

ok this siting position hurts me. i hope i can write better. not really sure what im writing anymore. praying every night that people live healthily. covid goes away quickly. i want back my old normal.